I opened my eyes. My head throbbed. I looked up and the sun peeked through the blinds. I try to get up and remember what happened last night. Dalton. I remember him approaching me. Last night, it felt amazing. I got to talk to him and he made me laugh a lot of times. We got more drinks through the night and talked some more. Our conversation went deep, until we ran out of things to say. And then, he looked me in the eyes. The kind of look that pierces my soul. The look that devours my being. I got lost in his eyes. The place was blurry and smoky. I remember him, carrying me to his car, my head on his shoulders, my arms dangled around his neck. I breathed in deeply and he smelled like peppermint, like a forest. Electricity rushed through my body. Happiness, confusion, anticipation, the longing.

I remembered all of these until Dalton wrapped his arms around me from behind and kissed my neck softly.

“good morning”, he said with a smile. I felt his boxers brushing my thighs. I looked at the clock on the table by the bed.

“I have to go.” my head hurts and my body felt weak but I still pulled myself up the bed. I buttoned my shirt, put my jeans on and tiptoed my way to the door. And then, quietly, silently left his room.



I clench my fist, tight enough that my nails dig my palm. Every nerve is electrified. Anytime, I could burst. I look in the mirror. I see someone. His face is crumbling, sinking. His eyes are red, with hatred. I close my eyes. I could feel the beating of my heart. So loud. So fast. Everything is too late now. I cannot be saved anymore. The feelings that bottled up my chest are ready to explode. It could hurt anyone. even her. Even myself.

I want to hurt her. Break her. Tear her. Burn every single piece of her body. I punch the mirror. The pieces are shattered. Like my dreams, my future, my life. My knuckles bleed. I feel no pain. I go out and search for something. My hands find itself a gun. And I think this must be the cure. I place it on my skull and shot the bullet right through my brain. I feel no pain. Just anger.


I sat on a chair by the window and looked out the streets. My hands started searching for a pen and a notebook and started writing. I put the notebook down, on my table as I finished. I read the words and it said:

I look around and there she was

Beautiful in everything she does.

And here I am, facing a book

Wishing someone would give me a second look.


She’s perfect in very way

Dances gracefully with every sway

When she passes everyone stops and stares

But she acts like she doesn’t care.



 Now dark thoughts start lingering my mind

Of destroying her in every way I find

I don’t care if I’m wrong because all I want

Is for her to get out of my sight.


I want to tear her down like she’s a prey

Break her bones, and let her decay

These thought I have are all because

I’m green with envy, isn’t it obvious?”


I tore the page off the notebook, crumpled it.


I was getting ready for the party. Food. Yes, oh yes. What could be more important for this event than food? I put my coat on and drove to the hotel. Everyone was busy talking and mingling. I also busied myself talking to acquaintances but, I just couldn’t wait for the food. What must they be serving for tonight? Oh no, I forgot to bring foil wrappers for takeout food. Oh well. I’ll just eat everything I see tonight.

And then, what I came for and what I was waiting for the whole night finally came. Food! I got my plate and got Chicken Kabobs, Roast Beef, Baby Back Ribs, Stuffed Chicken Breast, Shrimp, Sweet Potato Pie, Spaghetti Salad, Green Beans, Hamburgers, Fresh Berries. I don’t care about what they say. I’ll get what I want. I can feel their eyes on me and my plate. I don’t care. Actually, I even feel like getting more of the food. I sit on a chair and started eating quickly. I wiped the grease that covered my mouth and gulped lots of juice. Tonight, I thought to myself, we shall have bellies. And so I got more food on my plate and ate and ate and ate until I can’t finish anymore. I feel like I need to vomit. My head started to swirl. And my body started to sweat. My tummy hurts and I think I’m going to explode. But I can’t still help craving for the food, and once more, I gave in to my desire for the platter of spaghetti salad.


“ I looooove what you’re wearing!”, said Trisha.

“Oh please, of course you like it. Everyone likes it. Look, all the boys stare at me. I think they like me.” I answered. “Hi boys!” I winked at one of the guys I find the cutest.

“Alicia, what is wrong with you?”

“What’s wrong with me?! Nothing. Everything in me is perfect. My hair, my nails, my clothes. Oh wait, can you hold my drink for me? I just need to look in the mirror and check for my make-up.”

She held my cup of tea and waited as I busied myself looking in the mirror.

“You know what? I love being me. I mean, you know, perfect and all.”

“Can I have a sip? I feel tired because actually, you’ve already been looking at yourself in the mirror for an hour now and I’m already holding this drink of yours for an hour now”, said Trisha.

“A sip?! Are you kidding me? I, Alicia Rivera, would not allow a low form of being have a sip of the same tea as I have. I mean, you’re already lucky breathing the same air as I do, you should be thankful. And you holding that drink, it’s not a chore, honey. It is a privilege.”


I was fixing my hair in the dressing room when someone knocked the door.

“Lindsay, this is me.”

“Come in”. Robert, my manager, walked into the room. He’s been with me through everything, back when I was still doing minor roles, until now, when I finally became a celebrity.

“The recording company said they want you to release your debut album on September, but I said you don’t have the time to do it because of your hectic schedule. First, you have 3 movies to shoot, and then 10 commercial ads are lining up. You have guestings in 5 talk shows and I’m concerned about you and your health. You are not eating and sleeping right anymore.”

“What the hell, Robert?! That is a major recording company. Of course, I’ll do that.”

“But Lindsay, just give it to someone else. Besides, you already have lots of projects.”

“I don’t care. I want to do that. I can do that, all of them. I know I can. This is my life, Robert. You’re just my manager. I’ll do what I want. And I want to do all of those.”

“But Lindsay, I’m talking here as your friend and not as your manager. Look in the mirror. Look at you. You are tired. You are exhausted, Lindsay. You don’t need that, you have more than enough.”

“God, c..c…could p..please s..stop a..acting like kno..ow me better than my..m.myself. I..I c..can do” The whole place is whirling. My knees are wobbly. The place gets blurry and dim. I try to hold on to anything I can grasp but nothing, no one’s around. And as my eyes shut, all I see is Robert looking down at me.


I love the feeling of sheets brushing against my skin, the pillow fresh against my head, the cushion that envelopes my body. The clock ticks and the sun’s high up in the sky. I look to the left and my breakfast is waiting for me on the table. I look to my right and my office clothes are already freshly and neatly ironed. The birds chirp softly on the braches of the trees. It is a beautiful day, a beautiful day to do nothing. My body doesn’t want to move a muscle. My eyes are closed and I smell something’s burning. But I did not open my eyes. I don’t want to. I can feel the heat slowly getting closer, the heat slowly filled the room. But I’m still relinquishing the pleasure of staying here on the bed and so I stay and let the fire eat my flesh, my body, my soul.